RETRACT THE CLAWS EVERYONE... I'M SICK OF YOUR SHIT.

Hello friends,
This past week has truly been the week from hell. I'm glad its over and wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It started innocent as always but by Wednesday it was a gutter ball that was never going to find the pleasure of finding the hard wood of a pin and crushing it. wow a bowling reference.. Didn't see that one coming did you???

The real trouble came Thursday am at 11:57:30 when the competition came up with a story that we should have had. A lead story to be exact. A court case of a mother and father beating their kids so badly they had to escape through the bathroom window. The mother was pleading in this case. We had covered it in the past, we had the fathers court records correct. How did we not know about the mothers intention to plead and every other station did??? I'm calling it failure to separate the two cases. we had a reporter and an assignment editor who has held this job for i would say at least 14 years handling it. WE HAD SOMEONE WHO KNEW WHAT THEY WERE DOING.. and yet. we didn't have any information on half the case. needless to say. yelling, screaming, and anger showed up pretty good on the bosses faces. AND IT WAS ONLY NOON. It gets worse. At about 3 (when i was suppose to be able to leave, but never seem to be done what i'm doing) I entered the bosses office yet again, this time to plan tomorrows events that we would be covering. normally these meeting are a quick 10 minute meeting. But on a day like Thursday why would it be anything other then hell. Needless to say with everyone in a bad mood. The yelling continued about a fuck up which i will take responsibility for. You see I had court cases in the book but they didn't know who the people that were in the book were. normally i put a script in there describing what the person did. The problem was that I was busy and didn't have time to do it.. my bad. so by 3:30 I was sitting in a room with two bosses that were pissed and yelling at me and one producer who was pissed because we missed a story in the morning. ya.. great day..
I get it its one bad day.. I know.. move on with life and i was totally willing to do that. move on.. I came home in a pissed off mood. i worked out in a shitty mood.. * let me tell you the bad mood was good for working out. it was a really good work out. anyway back to the story. Thursday night was rough tossing and turning i got a whole 3 hours of sleep.. fun times

Friday morning I had no need to spring from slumber. I didn't need to shut the alarm off because i had shut off 30 minutes prior to it going off. Half sleeping i enter the job. through our amazing security and on to my desk. go through the regular routine. read the states many papers call 42 dispatch centers. At this point all is good. we had a full staff, I start to redeem myself. I get a call at 2. its the mother she says to call her. I continue with my day. 255 rolls around a propane tanker rolls on the highway we click the highway camera only to see a 14000 gallon propane tanker totally split open spewing gas everywhere. immediatly i go into breaking news max. a semi controled psycotic panic. Calling police and medical dispatchers. i get the information set up a phone interview and we cut into daily programming with breaking news... totally redeam myself.. at 3:02 they start asking for medical helicopters on an unrelated plane crash . so i'm dealing with evacuations on the fuel spill, talking with crews on the best ways to sneak past evac lines and get away with it. and now I've got to deal with a plane crash... while booking a helicopter for the fuel spill i happen to mention where i'm calling from and they tell me about a 19 year old who died in a frat the night before. when it rains it pours. needeless to say. I got about 3 hours of overtime...
I get out of work with every type of emotion. stressed out pissed off glad they are no longer pissed. and i get another call from the mother. She tells me that the ovarian cancer which has been in remission for the past 5.5 months is back. she has been having stomic pain for about a month and the doctors finally decided they needed to do a lumpectamy. They had been holding back do to her weakend kidney function. (They know of 5 major noids who knows what else there will be... )And thats the point where i lost it. pissed off turns to anger and anger turned to sadness. I have never felt so alone or isolated in my entire life. I think it hit me. My mother who already has limited kidney function is, in the next two days, going to have to decide wether to go back on chemo where chances are pretty good she will go into kidney failure and possibly die or to do nothing and die without the pain. I know i'm looking at the negative side.. But at this point, stage four cancer in a women with limited kidney function where should i be looking?..

Saturday i was a wreck needless to say. I had to do something, so i finally called the relationship which i have been involved with for the past three months quits. I figure it wasn't meant to be and I can't deal with a relationship thats rocky at best, my mother and what i'm going to do with my job, at the same time. I don't really know what to do... I suddenly know what it's like to be a lost soul.
unlike movies there may be no happy ending. If anything this past week has truly taught me to love life and keep smiling because you never know when it will be taken away.
max